today was ... hectic... my name is claudiaaaa... gahhh.. im so not feeling well today ok.. and my body aches all over and im tired..... ok... im gg to muggg... but im real tired.... jiayous to me.... (= im still happy...tiredly happy...

True - Ryan Cabrera lyrics :

I won't talk
I won't breathe
I won't move till you finally see
that you belong with me

you might think
I don't look
but deep inside in the corner of my mind
I'm attatched to you

mmmm
I'm weak
it's true
cause I'm afraid to know the answer
do you want me too?
cause my heart keeps falling faster

[chorus]
I've waited all my life to cross this line to the only thing thats true
so I will not hide
i'ts time to try anything to be with you
all my life I've waited
this is true

you don't know
what you do
everytime you walk into the room
I'm afraid to move
I'm weak
it's true
I'm just scared to know the ending
do you see me too?
do you even know you meant me!

[Chorus]
I've waited all my life to cross this line to the only thing thats true
so I will not hide
its time to try anything to be with you
all my life I've waited
this is trueI know when I go
I'll be on my way to you
the way that's true

[chorus]
I've waited all my life to cross this line to the only thing thats true
so I will not hide
its time to try anything to be with you
all my life I've waited
this is true

helloo world!! actually, i've been rather down n out, ut im fine now! (: plus, o levels is only 1 month plus away.... my birthday is coming!!! :D:D:D:D today is thurs and schools reopening on monday. i've been contemplating whether or not to go to school. but i decided i wld have to as to seeing the results being released then. *groans.



im prettty frustrated coz im in quite a fix. school, love life. etc etc. anyway, i know it'll be over soon and good things are gonna come my way! :D



tmr is a friday. and fridays are usually my best days(till now.) so i decided i wld do smth good tmr. like study at gramps place.... like chilling tmr.... sigh, alot of things. i need LOVE!!! =( not juz guys love. my friends are'nt really helping. but then again, my mood mustn't depend on them. (: im v happy now, and i will always be!!!! (:(:(:



well let's see, i can look forward to bday, my end of o's, my partying!!! :DDDDDDDD chillax.


dunno y i keep wanting to drive recently... hmmz. anyway, im eyeing the new volkswagen golf. (: in red. hahaha!!! papa says "i can buy. no problemo!! are you aure u can fit it?" and mummy was laughing like mad. damn it!!! >.<>.<>

i juz realised all my posts are damn emotional la. damn shit. ok, i shall no l sleeponger be emo(:
anw, today had a math. was ok la. but den finishing tt time i was like super duper hungry... den had history. mr.tan wear until damn funny. i dunno y but i find him damn short. lolz. den aft tt lunched wif jacq n rach. went back talked to delia, had consultation wif mr.tan den i went hom and im now slacking:D later den i shall do one SEQ den one e math paper den aft tt i shall slack some more. :D

these are things i wanna DO aft 'o's.
1. sleep for 30 hours non stop.
2. canoe
3. drink like a fish.
4. go to the beach at night alone and watch the moon.
5. spend time wif friends.
6. go mama hse n meet chloe n maine to slack our asses off.
7. go klp.
8. clt course
9. coxswain course
10. boat driving lisence.
11. teakwondo
12. sim whole day
13. go out alone for the whole day
14. slack whole day
15. movie marathon
16. play comp
17. play PSP
18. play DS
19. play PS3.
20. wakeboard
21. mountain biking
22. holiday

now de things i WANT
1. carlo rino bag
2. ZARA bag
3. Lamborghini
4. Jaeger-LeCoultre Reverso watch
5. Versace sunnies.
6. slippers
7. nike stuff
8. volkswagen golf
9. Nautica jacket
10. macbook and iPod classic
11. new phone
12. Clt rank
13. lisence
14. black belt
15. one more dog.
16. him
17. new desktop
18. new PS3 white
19. new DS black
20. PSP
21. Adiddas shoes
22. man U jersey
23. new glasses
24. DKNY bag
25. new pencil case n wallet(mine sucks BIG TIME)
26. shift hse ;D
27. new matress :D
28. new laptop
29. books. ( i noe i dun look like a book worn but i really love to juz stick my nose to a book n read)
30. a new me.

ok. so i jus realised im like asking for de sky. actually i basically just want a DKNY bag, lamborghini, versace sunglasses and a jaeger-LeCoultre watch. which, i juz counted, needs 2.2mil. hahaha!! no worries. i shall get it if i do well for 'o's. hmm.
:D eyeing the new adiddas purple shoes. wondering if i shld get it. ;) hmmmmm.... :D:D:D

im like posting once every month la. lame. anw, i jus learned one impt thing through out this like entire time. nvr ever feel too much for one person coz its just gonna hurt. and im not talking abt love life. im talking abt friends. damn shit. i soooo want to voice out everything la. i dun care whether i love this razy bitch but im jus gonna say it out liao. coz i seriously had enough.

firsty,
i dont noe wads ur fucking problem. every morning go to school i try to talk to u, u give me crude short ans, and wth, i dont noe wads wif your "come lets start ignoring her and 'claudia see, u wan come n sit wif me'?" i talk to you, ur ans damn short, and its not like u treat everybody else tt way, u totally are NORMAL wif them laugh and all, but with me? u jus like "mm" "yah" "hi"(only when i say hi to you) "bye" and "ok". i noe tis may sound childish, but its da,mn ridiculous tt i muz go around kissing ur ass jus to see tt fucking smile on ur face ok. bullshit, all abt when i ask u" is it u dun want to talk?" u say yes i leave u alone, and de next thing i noe, there u r talking n laughing happily away.

so there, tks for making me pissed, tks for making me look like a bloody fucking TOOT to go around kissing ur fat ass, and tks for making my like more miserable then it is now.

next,
some pple have tis really huge problem wif their ego
their heads get so fucking big tks to EGO and cant take shame to their big male pride. i had enough tolerating u gay fuck, and there really is a limit to my tolerance level, and i alr warned u its not a high tolerance level. dont wanna listen, lets see wad happens to u tmr. i totally have no ego and it takes alot for me to be embarrassed, so piss me off, ONE MORE TIME and thats it, u will definitely skip school for at least a month. n u noe i hate threatening.

lastly,
i had enough of pple opposing everything tt i THINK(and not say) and fucking shit everything i do u also wanna stuck ur GAY ASS nose into every body's shithole!!! i will crush ur fucking small bones and BURN it to ashes if u dont know how to jus shut ur bloody fucking mouth. totally no manners at all. say im vulgar, but seriously, where's ur 'good behaviour' and 'little miss perfectionist' gone to? so, piss me off as well and i will FUCKING RIP UR MOUTH OFF UR FACE!

MY LIFE IS NOT MISERABLE ENOUGH SO PLEASE JUST MAKE IT MORE MISERABLE!

damn shit ok.

list of problems one teenager can get,
1. Home problems(yes)
2. Relationship problems(yes)
3. love prblems(yes)
4. School problems(yes)
5. Friends problems(yes)
6. Self problems(yes)

so here is to my miserable life, i sooooooo thank everyone out there for making me this miserable. thank you very much and may god bless u fucking hard.

to this 3 pple, ur not de only ones i feel like ripping ur throats out, de fucking lucky other massive no. has got away coz they dont mean much. piss me off when i have tolerated enough, and i swear to whoever u may believe in, you will nvr be pissing me off again coz i would have RIPPED UR HEART OUT!.

tts all.

this post is just to clear things up bcoz i hate blogging and i din intend to for the whole year.
firstly, its not whether my bad attitude has come up again or what. i jus NEED TO BE ALONE. i dont want ANY company i dont want pple NEAR me AT ALL. i jus want all of you to GO AWAY coz i DONT WANT YOUR FAKE SMILES. ok. and when i dont talk to u pple u think im showing u attitude and all ignore me. NO. jus dont keep pestering me and yes im still your friend its just tt i want time to be alone and all. why cant u pple jus learn from yu tong?when i dont talk it DOES NOT mean im pissed. if my face OR eyes look angry its jus prob coz im ANGRY WIF MYSELF. and holy shit, i nvr even ignore u guys. I JUST WANT TO BE ALONE.

n if u dun noe y its prob coz u IDIOTS dun even noe how u make me feel. I HATE PPLE SO LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!

i dun trust no shit person now and i dont care if u think im a BITCH or what I DONT CARE! i HATE all u pple n I DONT EVEN WANNA SEE UR MISERABLE FACES and i DONT WANT TO CARE.

thats all.

finally... this week has been rather hectic. argh.

firstly,
it's really hard to let go and put whatever u have faced and regretted behind you. But pple tell u wads de point. let it go. its de past. but its always easier said den done.
how can u put someone u love so much in danger and have no qualms abt it? ever tot how tt felt? no. even if u did de qns is so wad? we are such selfish pple i think. u put the person in danger, pple tell u its not worth it. its practically shifting your responsibilities and consequences to somene u love. have u ever imagine wad kind of guilt that will course through u everytime something triggers it? ever tot about how u betrayed tt person? ever tot how u scared de person? why do i not feel embarrased at it, is coz its true. frankly speaking, i feel so muh guilt and shame abt this. tt i was so selfish. and wad adds to your utmost dismay and uncertainties? the party's nonchalance. he doesnt give a fuck care abt it. maybe he did. but wads de use? sometimes i feel like im not the person i am. and its coz im so ashamed of it. i always say im stronger den this. but how far can i go on? im always not good enough. im so selfish. i cant make decisions. and de guilt is wif me forever. if anything, i'll say it jus made things worse. i go around pretending im de most idiotic bitch coz im so damn strong mentally. where do i stand? no where. there's jus so much anger pent up inside me, along with the guilt and shame that can never be reversed. i keep thinking, do i deserve a second chance? but do i really? no. and no one has. n i dont blame them. coz im too stupid for anything. whatever happened to de tough luck claudia? i dont know. i keep going around acting like im damn happy n i have everyting. truth? i have nothing. i lost the one thing i wanted most and i can nvr gain it back ever again. coz i only had it once.

den again. how can u lose something u nvr really held? that just makes u in a even more drastic position. i dont even know where to begin a new course. i dont know how to pick myself up.

and at times like this, i type and remind myself of wad i really am. and i dont know sometimes. but den at the end of the day i have to replay the words that seethed into my brain ever since a long time ago. "its life. pretencious, fake, illusions. and nothing can be real" and now? i really dont know. and all i can do is hold the hurt in my heart and cry painfully in the inside. i promised no feelings, i broken it. and everytime i look into tt person, i se so much hope. wasted hope. coz its a replacement of something that cant ever be replaced. and u jus keep on pretending like as if u r de luckiest person alive, when u r downright unhappy. is there a word that can describe me right now? hell, yeah. alot.

heartache, sorrow, regret, pain, guilt, anger, frustration, and dissatisfied. with me, with life, with everything.

and more to that, despite all this negative feelings, im sorry. idk if u still read like u used to do. and im sorry. sorry i hurt you. sorry i only said things. sorry for making u confused. sorry for not understanding. im sorry. there are really no more words to offer up. im very sorry.

sorry i had you pay for my past, though u nvr really felt it. sorry i am wad i am. sorry for everything. i dont expect anything from you. really. not even forgiveness. its just to tell you, i'll move on. put on my mask. pretend. and im sorry im like this. so sorry.

today was ... hectic... my name is claudiaaaa... gahhh.. im so not feeling well today ok.. and my body aches all over and im tired..... ok... im gg to muggg... but im real tired.... jiayous to me.... (= im still happy...tiredly happy...

True - Ryan Cabrera lyrics :

I won't talk
I won't breathe
I won't move till you finally see
that you belong with me

you might think
I don't look
but deep inside in the corner of my mind
I'm attatched to you

mmmm
I'm weak
it's true
cause I'm afraid to know the answer
do you want me too?
cause my heart keeps falling faster

[chorus]
I've waited all my life to cross this line to the only thing thats true
so I will not hide
i'ts time to try anything to be with you
all my life I've waited
this is true

you don't know
what you do
everytime you walk into the room
I'm afraid to move
I'm weak
it's true
I'm just scared to know the ending
do you see me too?
do you even know you meant me!

[Chorus]
I've waited all my life to cross this line to the only thing thats true
so I will not hide
its time to try anything to be with you
all my life I've waited
this is trueI know when I go
I'll be on my way to you
the way that's true

[chorus]
I've waited all my life to cross this line to the only thing thats true
so I will not hide
its time to try anything to be with you
all my life I've waited
this is true

helloo world!! actually, i've been rather down n out, ut im fine now! (: plus, o levels is only 1 month plus away.... my birthday is coming!!! :D:D:D:D today is thurs and schools reopening on monday. i've been contemplating whether or not to go to school. but i decided i wld have to as to seeing the results being released then. *groans.



im prettty frustrated coz im in quite a fix. school, love life. etc etc. anyway, i know it'll be over soon and good things are gonna come my way! :D



tmr is a friday. and fridays are usually my best days(till now.) so i decided i wld do smth good tmr. like study at gramps place.... like chilling tmr.... sigh, alot of things. i need LOVE!!! =( not juz guys love. my friends are'nt really helping. but then again, my mood mustn't depend on them. (: im v happy now, and i will always be!!!! (:(:(:



well let's see, i can look forward to bday, my end of o's, my partying!!! :DDDDDDDD chillax.


dunno y i keep wanting to drive recently... hmmz. anyway, im eyeing the new volkswagen golf. (: in red. hahaha!!! papa says "i can buy. no problemo!! are you aure u can fit it?" and mummy was laughing like mad. damn it!!! >.<>.<>

i juz realised all my posts are damn emotional la. damn shit. ok, i shall no l sleeponger be emo(:
anw, today had a math. was ok la. but den finishing tt time i was like super duper hungry... den had history. mr.tan wear until damn funny. i dunno y but i find him damn short. lolz. den aft tt lunched wif jacq n rach. went back talked to delia, had consultation wif mr.tan den i went hom and im now slacking:D later den i shall do one SEQ den one e math paper den aft tt i shall slack some more. :D

these are things i wanna DO aft 'o's.
1. sleep for 30 hours non stop.
2. canoe
3. drink like a fish.
4. go to the beach at night alone and watch the moon.
5. spend time wif friends.
6. go mama hse n meet chloe n maine to slack our asses off.
7. go klp.
8. clt course
9. coxswain course
10. boat driving lisence.
11. teakwondo
12. sim whole day
13. go out alone for the whole day
14. slack whole day
15. movie marathon
16. play comp
17. play PSP
18. play DS
19. play PS3.
20. wakeboard
21. mountain biking
22. holiday

now de things i WANT
1. carlo rino bag
2. ZARA bag
3. Lamborghini
4. Jaeger-LeCoultre Reverso watch
5. Versace sunnies.
6. slippers
7. nike stuff
8. volkswagen golf
9. Nautica jacket
10. macbook and iPod classic
11. new phone
12. Clt rank
13. lisence
14. black belt
15. one more dog.
16. him
17. new desktop
18. new PS3 white
19. new DS black
20. PSP
21. Adiddas shoes
22. man U jersey
23. new glasses
24. DKNY bag
25. new pencil case n wallet(mine sucks BIG TIME)
26. shift hse ;D
27. new matress :D
28. new laptop
29. books. ( i noe i dun look like a book worn but i really love to juz stick my nose to a book n read)
30. a new me.

ok. so i jus realised im like asking for de sky. actually i basically just want a DKNY bag, lamborghini, versace sunglasses and a jaeger-LeCoultre watch. which, i juz counted, needs 2.2mil. hahaha!! no worries. i shall get it if i do well for 'o's. hmm.
:D eyeing the new adiddas purple shoes. wondering if i shld get it. ;) hmmmmm.... :D:D:D

im like posting once every month la. lame. anw, i jus learned one impt thing through out this like entire time. nvr ever feel too much for one person coz its just gonna hurt. and im not talking abt love life. im talking abt friends. damn shit. i soooo want to voice out everything la. i dun care whether i love this razy bitch but im jus gonna say it out liao. coz i seriously had enough.

firsty,
i dont noe wads ur fucking problem. every morning go to school i try to talk to u, u give me crude short ans, and wth, i dont noe wads wif your "come lets start ignoring her and 'claudia see, u wan come n sit wif me'?" i talk to you, ur ans damn short, and its not like u treat everybody else tt way, u totally are NORMAL wif them laugh and all, but with me? u jus like "mm" "yah" "hi"(only when i say hi to you) "bye" and "ok". i noe tis may sound childish, but its da,mn ridiculous tt i muz go around kissing ur ass jus to see tt fucking smile on ur face ok. bullshit, all abt when i ask u" is it u dun want to talk?" u say yes i leave u alone, and de next thing i noe, there u r talking n laughing happily away.

so there, tks for making me pissed, tks for making me look like a bloody fucking TOOT to go around kissing ur fat ass, and tks for making my like more miserable then it is now.

next,
some pple have tis really huge problem wif their ego
their heads get so fucking big tks to EGO and cant take shame to their big male pride. i had enough tolerating u gay fuck, and there really is a limit to my tolerance level, and i alr warned u its not a high tolerance level. dont wanna listen, lets see wad happens to u tmr. i totally have no ego and it takes alot for me to be embarrassed, so piss me off, ONE MORE TIME and thats it, u will definitely skip school for at least a month. n u noe i hate threatening.

lastly,
i had enough of pple opposing everything tt i THINK(and not say) and fucking shit everything i do u also wanna stuck ur GAY ASS nose into every body's shithole!!! i will crush ur fucking small bones and BURN it to ashes if u dont know how to jus shut ur bloody fucking mouth. totally no manners at all. say im vulgar, but seriously, where's ur 'good behaviour' and 'little miss perfectionist' gone to? so, piss me off as well and i will FUCKING RIP UR MOUTH OFF UR FACE!

MY LIFE IS NOT MISERABLE ENOUGH SO PLEASE JUST MAKE IT MORE MISERABLE!

damn shit ok.

list of problems one teenager can get,
1. Home problems(yes)
2. Relationship problems(yes)
3. love prblems(yes)
4. School problems(yes)
5. Friends problems(yes)
6. Self problems(yes)

so here is to my miserable life, i sooooooo thank everyone out there for making me this miserable. thank you very much and may god bless u fucking hard.

to this 3 pple, ur not de only ones i feel like ripping ur throats out, de fucking lucky other massive no. has got away coz they dont mean much. piss me off when i have tolerated enough, and i swear to whoever u may believe in, you will nvr be pissing me off again coz i would have RIPPED UR HEART OUT!.

tts all.

this post is just to clear things up bcoz i hate blogging and i din intend to for the whole year.
firstly, its not whether my bad attitude has come up again or what. i jus NEED TO BE ALONE. i dont want ANY company i dont want pple NEAR me AT ALL. i jus want all of you to GO AWAY coz i DONT WANT YOUR FAKE SMILES. ok. and when i dont talk to u pple u think im showing u attitude and all ignore me. NO. jus dont keep pestering me and yes im still your friend its just tt i want time to be alone and all. why cant u pple jus learn from yu tong?when i dont talk it DOES NOT mean im pissed. if my face OR eyes look angry its jus prob coz im ANGRY WIF MYSELF. and holy shit, i nvr even ignore u guys. I JUST WANT TO BE ALONE.

n if u dun noe y its prob coz u IDIOTS dun even noe how u make me feel. I HATE PPLE SO LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!

i dun trust no shit person now and i dont care if u think im a BITCH or what I DONT CARE! i HATE all u pple n I DONT EVEN WANNA SEE UR MISERABLE FACES and i DONT WANT TO CARE.

thats all.

finally... this week has been rather hectic. argh.

firstly,
it's really hard to let go and put whatever u have faced and regretted behind you. But pple tell u wads de point. let it go. its de past. but its always easier said den done.
how can u put someone u love so much in danger and have no qualms abt it? ever tot how tt felt? no. even if u did de qns is so wad? we are such selfish pple i think. u put the person in danger, pple tell u its not worth it. its practically shifting your responsibilities and consequences to somene u love. have u ever imagine wad kind of guilt that will course through u everytime something triggers it? ever tot about how u betrayed tt person? ever tot how u scared de person? why do i not feel embarrased at it, is coz its true. frankly speaking, i feel so muh guilt and shame abt this. tt i was so selfish. and wad adds to your utmost dismay and uncertainties? the party's nonchalance. he doesnt give a fuck care abt it. maybe he did. but wads de use? sometimes i feel like im not the person i am. and its coz im so ashamed of it. i always say im stronger den this. but how far can i go on? im always not good enough. im so selfish. i cant make decisions. and de guilt is wif me forever. if anything, i'll say it jus made things worse. i go around pretending im de most idiotic bitch coz im so damn strong mentally. where do i stand? no where. there's jus so much anger pent up inside me, along with the guilt and shame that can never be reversed. i keep thinking, do i deserve a second chance? but do i really? no. and no one has. n i dont blame them. coz im too stupid for anything. whatever happened to de tough luck claudia? i dont know. i keep going around acting like im damn happy n i have everyting. truth? i have nothing. i lost the one thing i wanted most and i can nvr gain it back ever again. coz i only had it once.

den again. how can u lose something u nvr really held? that just makes u in a even more drastic position. i dont even know where to begin a new course. i dont know how to pick myself up.

and at times like this, i type and remind myself of wad i really am. and i dont know sometimes. but den at the end of the day i have to replay the words that seethed into my brain ever since a long time ago. "its life. pretencious, fake, illusions. and nothing can be real" and now? i really dont know. and all i can do is hold the hurt in my heart and cry painfully in the inside. i promised no feelings, i broken it. and everytime i look into tt person, i se so much hope. wasted hope. coz its a replacement of something that cant ever be replaced. and u jus keep on pretending like as if u r de luckiest person alive, when u r downright unhappy. is there a word that can describe me right now? hell, yeah. alot.

heartache, sorrow, regret, pain, guilt, anger, frustration, and dissatisfied. with me, with life, with everything.

and more to that, despite all this negative feelings, im sorry. idk if u still read like u used to do. and im sorry. sorry i hurt you. sorry i only said things. sorry for making u confused. sorry for not understanding. im sorry. there are really no more words to offer up. im very sorry.

sorry i had you pay for my past, though u nvr really felt it. sorry i am wad i am. sorry for everything. i dont expect anything from you. really. not even forgiveness. its just to tell you, i'll move on. put on my mask. pretend. and im sorry im like this. so sorry.